Birds listen to Radio 4. Fact. Surveys indicate that birds hang around the gardens of Radio 4 listeners more than the listeners of other radio stations. This is because birds are big fans. Sceptics of my theory claim that Radio 4 listeners are more likely to put out bird seed than, say, Ken Bruce fans. I think this is rubbish. Ken Bruce fans are perfectly normal bird lovers, but birds don’t like Pop Master. Try taking a radio into the garden with you and see if any birds join you in listening to Gardener’s Question Time. They don’t like John Humprhis, by the way.